Parshat Yitro - 5780 "All Fired Up, All Burnt Out"

Yitro –5780

Rabbi Shaanan Gelman

“All Fired Up, All Burnt Out”

There is a pernicious illness which has been recently classified by the World Health Organization (WHO) – it has been granted a new official name: IDC-11.  According to experts, this insidious and destructive disease will infect well over 50% of the human population exposed to it, with the highest at-risk population being those in the medical profession and human services – where the number is projected into the 70% range!

No, I do not refer to the coronavirus, rather a disease which is far more prominent, one which triggers anxiety, depression, insomnia, and loss of cognitive focus, feelings of energy depletion and exhaustion, not to mention increased mental distance and cynicism relating to one’s job.  Yes, IDC-11 – is the official name for burnout[1]. 

Burnout is corrosive, it destroys perfectly talented and dedicated employees – how do we protect ourselves from burnout?  How may we inoculate ourselves? 

The findings are fascinating – who is most susceptible to burnout?  Those who develop a true passion for what they do – the types of people who take jobs not because of the benefits but because they feel mission driven, engaged by the cause!  Hence, jobs that involve a human element. Passion is a double-edged sword!

The more fire you have…the more burnout.

As the Bnei Yisrael stood by Har Sinai, poised to accept the Holy Torah, our Chazal tell us that a security measure was put into place, a supernatural occurrence implemented by Hashem to ensure that we stay the course:

תלמוד בבלי מסכת שבת דף פח עמוד א

ויתיצבו בתחתית ההר, אמר רב אבדימי בר חמא בר חסא: מלמד שכפה הקדוש ברוך הוא עליהם את ההר כגיגית, ואמר להם: אם אתם מקבלים התורה - מוטב, ואם לאו - שם תהא קבורתכם.

And they stood under the mountain – Rav Avdimi the son of Hama the son of Hasa said: this verse teaches us that God overturned the mountain above our heads like a tub, He said “If you accept the Torah, then you will be saved, and if not – there will be your burial.  

We have all been taught this imagery before – and there are many different approaches to understanding the imagery of הר כגיגית the upturned mountain looming ominously above our heads.  The Baalei haTosafos though raise, the most obvious question on this agadata:

Didn’t we just declare "נעשה ונשמע"? We willingly accepted the Torah in its entirety. We provided Hashem with an emphatic, enthusiastic reply in the affirmative.  YES! With no strings attached, no pre-conditions, no fine print. נעשה ונשמע was the very first End User Agreement – in which you scroll down through 10 pages of fine print to click the box at the bottom without considering the technical details.

If so, why do we need the mountain dangling above our heads? – what is the purpose of threatening an already engaged group?

Tosafos explains that the concern was that we might renege on our commitment when we see the great fire:

תוספות מסכת שבת דף פח עמוד א

כפה עליהן הר כגיגית - ואף על פי שכבר הקדימו נעשה לנשמע שמא יהיו חוזרים כשיראו האש הגדולה שיצאתה נשמתן

The upturned mountain would keep us from running away and abandoning ship.

However, the Rogochover, Rav Yosef Rosin z”l, noted that this answer doesn’t pass muster.   For why would we be concerned that fire would frighten the Bnei Yisrael away – fire and passion would keep us engaged!

צפנת פענח שמות פרשת בשלח

פן ו' ביאור ויהי בשלח פרעה את העם וגו' ויסב אלקים וגו' (יג, יז - יח). דכ' התוספות בפרק ט' דשבת (פח א) בד"ה כפה עליהם הר כגיגית, והקשו, הא כבר הקדימו נעשה לנשמע. ותירצו התוספות, שמא יהיו חוזרים כשיראו האש הגדולה וכו', יעו"ש. ולכאורה תמוה דברי התוספות מה שתירצו שמא מתוך האש הגדולה יחזרו, אדרבה יותר יתחזק האמונה ובטחון בו יתברך אחר שיראו האש הגדולה, ולא שיחזרו בהם, וכמ"ש בפסוק (דברים ד, לג) השמע עם קול אלקים מדבר מתוך האש כאשר שמעת אתה ויחי.

Isn’t passion what we are all looking for?  The silver bullet we need to inject into our avodas Hashem, our tefilla, our learning, our schools! 

I believe the explanation is that fire is a double-edged sword – for it encourages us, it provides a draw for initial engagement, but the most passionate people are also the ones who run the highest risk of burnout. 

There is such a thing as an avoda zarah of passion – it can be an אש קודש and an אש אוכלת , a holy fire and an all-consuming fire. 

What Tosafos is saying is that there is a type of passion which frightens people away – when its too excessive, too intense, too incessant and too abrupt.  Hakadosh Baruch Hu needed a hook – He wanted to intrigue us, but He also understands human nature (after all He created us), and that we would eventually run away from the very heat that once drew us in.

Not every cause needs a mashgiach ruchani to pound his fists on the bimah and scream at the top of his lungs.  Not every crisis at work is a crisis, and not every act of insubordination, chutzpah from our children, lack of recognition and appreciation from our wives and husbands merit the use of passion and fervor to the extreme.  The Talmud in Shabbos (לד.( enjoins us when reminding other household members to prepare for Shabbat in the appropriate manner, one should speak gently, for otherwise the reminders will go unheeded[2].

תלמוד בבלי מסכת שבת דף לד עמוד א

אמר רבה בר רב הונא: אף על גב דאמור רבנן שלשה דברים צריך אדם לומר וכו', צריך למימרינהו בניחותא, כי היכי דליקבלינהו מיניה. אמר רב אשי: אנא לא שמיע לי הא דרבה בר רב הונא, וקיימתי מסברא.

If my son refuses to get into pajamas at the right time, doesn’t want to put shoes on in the morning when prompted – perhaps the problem isn’t that there isn’t enough fire…perhaps there is a bit too much.

We ought to strive for that trait so beautifully described in the Hebrew language as להיות רגוע – to be a calming force – in life and in our observance.

I have often heard the calling to bring in educators who are firebrands, who have unstoppable energy who speak in a loud and booming voice, running from one classroom to the next…but many children are begging for a softer and more gentle personality behind the desk. 

Parshat Yitro deals with the presentation of the עשרת הדברות, it was so intense that the Bnei Yisrael requested Moshe to be the middleman, a person to convey the word of God to them in a tangible and manageable way.  

Its no wonder that when we left Mt. Sinai, we are described as not just walking away but running away from God:

תלמוד בבלי מסכת שבת דף קטז עמוד א

ויסעו מהר ה'; ואמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא: שסרו מאחרי ה'.

The Sages developed this imagery by comparing us to school children running away from the classroom at the end of the day:

תוספות מסכת שבת דף קטז עמוד א

פורענות ראשונה ויסעו וא"ר חנינא שסרו מאחרי השם - פי' בקונטרס שמאז התחילו לשאול בשר ואומר ר"י דאין נ"ל כן אלא פורענות ראשונה כדאמר במדרש (ילמדנו) ויסעו שנסעו מהר סיני דרך שלשת ימים כתינוק היוצא מבית הספר שבורח לו והולך לו כך היו בורחים מהר סיני דרך שלשת ימים לפי שלמדו הרבה תורה בסיני

What happened to us?  למדו הרבה תורה בסיני, we learned much Torah on Sinai.  Why did that cause us to abandon ship with such glee?  Why did we suddenly cast off the yolk after having experienced spiritual bliss!?

Torah cannot be a sudden infusion of energy – it needs to involve a slow and methodical drip – warm but not overwhelming, inviting but never oppressive.  How do we establish that sort of commitment to Torah, how do we avoid burnout and running away the moment the lesson is over?  The answer is – day by day, prayer by prayer, one step at a time – the only way to build a lasting relationship is through small incremental commitments.

It’s interesting that the very item once described as אֵ֥שׁ דָּ֖ת לָֽמוֹ, is subsequently described as a song:

דברים פרק לא

(יט) וְעַתָּ֗ה כִּתְב֤וּ לָכֶם֙ אֶת־הַשִּׁירָ֣ה הַזֹּ֔את וְלַמְּדָ֥הּ אֶת־בְּנֵי־ יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל שִׂימָ֣הּ בְּפִיהֶ֑ם לְמַ֨עַן תִּהְיֶה־לִּ֜י הַשִּׁירָ֥ה הַזֹּ֛את לְעֵ֖ד בִּבְנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל:

The final mitzvah of the Torah – the one which commands us to make Torah our own personal acquisition – implores us to put out the fire, to make life pleasant …a song. 

Today we read about the אש, the intensity of the kabalas haTorah, but if we want it to be enduring, we need to invest in the act of writing our own song.  It takes time, and investment of energy, but in the end there is nothing sweeter.

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[1] https://hbr.org/2019/07/when-passion-leads-to-burnout

[2] Especially when you know that someone is sensitive, it is better to rebuke in a gentle manner. The story is told that the holy brothers Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk and Rabbi Zushe of Anipoli would practice this. When they became aware of an individual whom they felt needed to be admonished, they speak with one another within an earshot of that person. One of the brothers would "confess" to the other that he had committed the sin that they knew the listener had transgressed. The other brother would then direct him to do teshuvah (repent) for that sin. The message would be delivered to the third party but sparing him any shame associated with direct confrontation.